Dear Diary III: The Final Chapter

Dear Diary,

We need to talk. There’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it. I have spent the last eleven months desperately trying to connect with you and I can’t do it anymore.

It may have been the buzz from the rum punch or maybe I got caught up in the euphoria of a New Year… I should have known better. I don’t know why I thought we’d be a good fit. Even worse, instead of cutting things off when I realised what I’d done, I committed myself to you! I was determined to see us through 2016. I was determined that we would make it.

 

dear-diary-III-the-final-chapter-mint-tea-and-elephants

 

I worked hard to include you in my life. I scheduled time with you every day. I even took you on my vacations. I was attentive. I poured myself into you. No other competed with you. There was such promise in those early days. We looked good together. It felt right. The Internet said we were perfect for each other. Sadly, the truth is our initial spark never turned into flames.

I regret not listening to my quiet inner voice that said we should part ways before we became too involved in each other’s lives. It’s so much harder and messier to break up when lives become irretrievably intertwined.

I realise now that I loved the idea of you. I loved what my life looked like with you in it. You made me seem like more of a creative spirit. I was in good company too. So many famous people who have accomplished great feats, written classic literature, and contributed life changing ideas to this world have kept journals.

Please don’t blame yourself. You did your best to make us work, to show me how you could be good for my life, my growth, my peace of mind. Nonetheless, I dread our daily routine. I open up your pages and put pen to paper but no words come. I actually have to will myself to say something, anything, to fill the silence. I don’t tell you what I really feel because I want to keep those thoughts to myself. I don’t have to articulate every emotion or every minute of my day. I have the memory of an elephant! I prefer to snuggle up with a book and tea to get away from my mind for a while.

Since I’m finally being 100% honest, there’s something else I need you to know. I don’t want you to hear it from anybody but me. I’m going back to my little notebook. I know it pales in comparison to your beauty and stature but that little notebook is really all that I need. I can scribble my random thoughts and doodle stick figures whenever I feel like it. No pressure. No obligation.

The writer for you is out there. One day, she’ll make you forget that we failed at “us”.

Yours,

 

 

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18 Comments

  1. 10th June 2017 / 11:31 am

    Tough break up! I keep buying diaries because they are so pretty. I then use them for tutorial notes. Boring!!

    • 10th June 2017 / 11:39 am

      Stationery is one of my weaknesses! Pretty journals and notebooks…I have to stop myself from buying them (especially when there’s a sale) because I can only use so many at once. I confess though, I never used my pretty stuff for tutorial/lecture notes. LOL!

  2. 17th January 2017 / 9:09 pm

    I won’t commit to a diary but I have a journal and write only when I need to. Soecial events, painful experiences and lightbulb moments.

    • 17th January 2017 / 9:28 pm

      Wonderful! You’ve found what works for you. 🙂

  3. 28th December 2016 / 2:33 pm

    I am so beyond impressed by this piece! It is such a clever way to approach the topic and I am definitely inspired! Best wishes

    • 28th December 2016 / 2:46 pm

      Thank you so much! Your enthusiasm put a smile on my face. 😀

  4. 28th December 2016 / 7:56 am

    I was planning to keep a diary starting day one next year. This is definitely something that I have to try and see how I go. Not quite sure I will keep it for a month let alone a year. It is quite impressive that you stuck with it for the whole year, I’ll see how I go! Wish me luck!

    • 28th December 2016 / 2:07 pm

      Good luck! It’s really a stepping stone to figuring out what works for you. Don’t beat yourself up too much if you don’t care to keep up with it come February. Thanks for reading.

  5. 27th December 2016 / 10:55 am

    Beautifully written. I can relate to this, I tried over and over again throughout the years to make it work with my journal and it never did. I know it’s good and healthy, but it’s just not for everyone.
    Thanks for sharing this 🙂
    Ana,
    http://www.365beautytips.com

    • 27th December 2016 / 11:09 am

      Thanks for reading, Ana! I guess we have to find our own version of “good and healthy”, which I think I have. I scribble notes and I doodle. 🙂

  6. 27th December 2016 / 9:46 am

    Wow! It takes serious discipline and dedication to write your diary everyday. I tried, but I end up missing most days 😀 Great job!

    • 27th December 2016 / 9:55 am

      And that’s the one thing I got from this enterprise! I became much more disciplined! I guess it wasn’t a complete failure. lol

  7. 26th December 2016 / 1:10 pm

    This is so well written. 🙂 Enjoy life without a diary.

    • 26th December 2016 / 1:35 pm

      Thanks so much! Appreciated. I confess, I’m filling in the last few lines of my journal till December 31st, just so I can say I did it for the entire year. 😀

  8. 26th December 2016 / 12:36 pm

    Oh, the little pig is so sweet. I like how you approached the subject.

    • 26th December 2016 / 1:34 pm

      I included the piggy for the very reason that it was so cute! Thanks for reading. 🙂

  9. 21st December 2016 / 12:27 am

    My diary and I had a similar relationship. I couldn’t commit, so I decided to go the no strings attached route. The best thing I ever did!

    • 21st December 2016 / 8:40 am

      I am not alone! I should have stuck with my previous notebook relationship.

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