I have lost count of my numerous attempts at journaling. Once upon a time, I started a gratitude journal. I was very thankful for my imperfect life but after a while I was documenting the same things over and over, like my family, my health, lessons learnt, my insanely brilliant mind (kidding). Eventually, that journal withered away.
Then, I tried chronicling my dreams. I have really zany dreams. I closed my eyes for about five minutes on Saturday and dreamt that I was driving a Mercedes Benz C-Class sedan on the harsh, undulating earth of a psychedelically coloured planet. There was a huge shark in a fresh water pond that was far too small for said shark and a man named Tom whose role in all of this remains unclear. The trouble with dreams is that sometimes I remember every detail as soon as I open my eyes, but thirty seconds later, pen and paper in hand, I forget huge chunks, and this does not make for the detailed journaling of dreams. Strike two.
There was that time I decided that I should be more in touch with my feelings (this is what happens when I listen to people). I enjoy a good pity party every now and then (don’t we all?) but generally I don’t invest too much time and effort in feelings. If I’m offended or angered or happy, you’d know and I move on fairly quickly. However, in an attempt to soften up in the anger department, I decided to rein myself in and write about my feelings instead. Guess what? I found myself becoming angry twice and so that was the end of that.
I am also a chronic over thinker. Last year, I surpassed all of my previous thinking records. I thought about life, my purpose, romance, spirituality, humanity, my final research paper, winning the lotto without actually buying a ticket (ha!). My brain would not power down and leave me in peace. Journaling is supposed to help clarify thoughts and find focus. With a mind as wound up and cluttered as mine, one would think I’d have had great success this time around…but nah. Two months in and I’m bored.
Basically, I continue to journal because I vowed to journal every day in 2016 (this is why we shouldn’t make promises) and because I like writing in my cute Jane Austen themed journal. I’ll let you know how it goes.